One year ago today, I told myself, “That’s it. I’m done wasting my time chasing boys. No more of this until next year.”
I mean, I’m not going to go out and find me a boy to marry tomorrow, but that’s not the point.
I was never very good at maintaining friendships with guys. My boy-crazy nature would always make me think in terms of black and white–I was either pursuing this guy romantically or I wasn’t. Just being friends with a dude was unfathomable to me.
Taking a year off from pursuing guys romantically has really helped me separate myself from my boy-craziness and my black/white mentality. That’s not to say I don’t still get distracted by pretty faces, but I have a lot more self-control now than I did a year ago. I’ve also learned what it means to love a guy as my brother–loving him God’s way. That is, I’m no longer looking to simply use him for my personal satisfaction or gratification.
Half of this learning came from talks with my mentor person. The other half happened during the actual applications of what I learned from my mentor with some of the guys that are in my life. I don’t mean to say that I’m the perfect friend to these guys…but I’m a much better friend than I would have been one or two years ago.
And when I finally do meet Mr. Right, I’ll better know how to engage in a relationship with him that will not only be fulfilling for both of us, but will glorify God and help both of us draw nearer to him together.
This is just the summary. I’ve omitted a lot of details for the sake of coherency. I plan on revisiting some of the more significant events that have occurred over the course of my sabbatical in the next few blog posts. This is gonna be interesting–probably more so for me than for you.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Is it taking a year off or just maturity?
I just mean, that's how it happened to me. After a while I realized I have other things in my life going on and not every girl was going to romantically involved and some make great friends after all.
Taking the year off helped me grow and mature. If I had kept pursuing guys, I would have never had the time or opportunity to stop and think about why I did what I did.
Bryan, remember when we first met? I totally tried to hit on you. And yes, we did hang out every now and again, but I dunno…if then had been now, I would've been a much better friend to you.
I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that my life revolves around me finding a dude. I took a year off from dating so that my life would STOP revolving around dudes. Am I gonna be the same stupid, boy-crazy girl I've always been when a potential mate comes around? Definitely. But when things start getting serious, I'll know how to love him properly.
And "Mr. Right" doesn't automatically mean that it'll be a relationship without its issues or that it won't take work, but I'm still a firm believer in that he's out there.
Lying to myself? On the contrary, this all came from me embracing what's true. I was boy-crazy because I felt like I needed a guy to validate me. THAT was the lie that kept bringing me down.
I didn't mean specifically about you with the "Lying to yourself." That's actually directed with some of my own stuff. I'm sorry for the rant, btw. I just saw your post and started throwing all my own thoughts on paper. Didn't mean to thread jack. =P
I was just scared that I lost the Vy I once knew. I don't think you were ever bad. I think that with or without the break from dating you would have learned a lot. Every year will bring more and more adventures and knowledge to behold. I'm glad you are happy with the year you have had. And I can only wish you an even better one for the next.
Aw, don't feel bad. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to pull my foot out of my mouth for saying…stuff. I'm just glad my friends are taking the time to read and comment on this stuff.
It's funny. I'm the same but I'm not. I still deal with a lot of the same old problems I was dealing with a year ago, but they're not as burdensome as they once were. I wish I knew how to explain it, but it's late and the words aren't coming to me right now.
This past year has been full of hills and valleys, but to look back on it all and see what God's done in my life has been insanely gratifying. And to think I have years and years of this ahead of me. Like, dang. That's awesome.
So yeah, you're right. Every year from here on out is definitely going to be something else.