I think I’ve already established that I like boys.
A lot.
I used to think I was the kind of girl that could use a guy and be okay with it. Actually, I thought I could actually enjoy it. Every time I tried, though, things would either get really complicated or my conscience just wouldn’t let me do what I thought I wanted to do.
Also, I just wasn’t very good at being…promiscuous. I’m not exactly smooth enough to talk a guy into getting into bed with me.
I like to think that by God’s providence, my successes were very much few and far between. The few successes I did have weren’t nearly as fun or gratifying as I thought they would be. Total bummer, right? (Haha. Yeah, right.)
A little over a year ago, before I gave up running from Christ, I met a cute Christian boy who I would have loved to have violated. Shortly after, I had a one-night-stand with a guy whose bed I had no business being in.
A lot of other things outside the realm of boys happened, too, but those two things definitely contributed to pushing me back to the Cross. Recommitting my life to Jesus wasn’t the end of my guy-related woes, though. Sexual temptation would still prove to be an issue later on, and I would give in to it once or twice before finally deciding that enough was enough.
And so on February 28th, 2009, I decided that if I was ever going to get over all this crap, I needed to keep myself away from the source(s) of my temptations for a good while. A year seemed so far away at the beginning, but here I am–a year later–wondering where all that time went.
by Vy on 28 February 2010
One year ago today, I told myself, “That’s it. I’m done wasting my time chasing boys. No more of this until next year.”
I mean, I’m not going to go out and find me a boy to marry tomorrow, but that’s not the point.
I was never very good at maintaining friendships with guys. My boy-crazy nature would always make me think in terms of black and white–I was either pursuing this guy romantically or I wasn’t. Just being friends with a dude was unfathomable to me.
Taking a year off from pursuing guys romantically has really helped me separate myself from my boy-craziness and my black/white mentality. That’s not to say I don’t still get distracted by pretty faces, but I have a lot more self-control now than I did a year ago. I’ve also learned what it means to love a guy as my brother–loving him God’s way. That is, I’m no longer looking to simply use him for my personal satisfaction or gratification.
Half of this learning came from talks with my mentor person. The other half happened during the actual applications of what I learned from my mentor with some of the guys that are in my life. I don’t mean to say that I’m the perfect friend to these guys…but I’m a much better friend than I would have been one or two years ago.
And when I finally do meet Mr. Right, I’ll better know how to engage in a relationship with him that will not only be fulfilling for both of us, but will glorify God and help both of us draw nearer to him together.
This is just the summary. I’ve omitted a lot of details for the sake of coherency. I plan on revisiting some of the more significant events that have occurred over the course of my sabbatical in the next few blog posts. This is gonna be interesting–probably more so for me than for you.
by Vy on 27 February 2010
At the end of the session, the president suggested that if no deal was at hand, Democrats would press forward alone and let voters be the ultimate judge. “That’s what elections are for,” he said.
I wonder if the president is being a little too cavalier about this whole healthcare reform thing. The Republican party’s image isn’t at its best right now, but even their thoughts on the issue are to be respected. Because–let’s face it–Democrats don’t have it all right.
Rep. Eric Cantor, the House Republican whip from Virginia, said the president’s olive branch on issues such as malpractice wasn’t enough. “An ounce of sugar does not make bad medicine go down,” he said in an interview. “The bill is a fundamentally flawed bill.”
But that doesn’t mean they have it all wrong, either. Perhaps Republicans just need to suck it up and realize that they’re not going to get everything they want.
House Minority Leader John Boehner (R., Ohio) said the same thing he’s been saying for weeks: “The bill needs to be scrapped.”
Bah. We’ll see.
[ via the Wall Street Journal ]
by Vy on 26 February 2010
Introspection is something I seem to be pretty good at. As my mentor person puts it, I was given eyes to see.
It’s not something I’ve been doing a whole lot of lately, though. Normally, this would worry me. Lack of introspection usually indicates that I’m avoiding an issue that needs to be addressed.
Not this time, though. At least, I don’t think that’s the case.
I just know so many people who are going through worse situations than I am. It makes me feel guilty about thinking about my own problems.
by Vy on 24 February 2010
“I’m such an idealist that it’s not okay.”
That’s what one of the girls in my RUF small group said last week. There are times when I feel the same way about myself.
I went for a job interview about a week and a half ago. I didn’t get the job. My mom thinks it was because I was “too honest” during the interview. I didn’t have much to say to that, but man did a lot of stuff go through my head.
“Why can’t I be honest? Why would I ever want to get hired under false pretenses?”
I asked Lizabeth later if there was a place in the world of healthcare administration for someone like me.
“Are you one of those people who looks at the big picture?” she asked.
“…Yeah.”
“You know what they call that?”
“Uh…I don’t know.”
“It’s called being a visionary. Organizations need people like that.”
I really, really hope she’s right.
[ image by Mykl Roventine ]