I guess I should explain that last post a little bit, considering how dark it sounded.
This week was the week that I watched Michael Moore’s documentary SiCKO in my Health Sciences class. I recognize that some of the stuff presented in it are meant to be taken with a grain of salt, but it was a pretty good reminder of why I wanted to get into health administration in the first place–so I could do something about some of the atrocities committed by people working in the business of healthcare.
I used to think that having the power to pass the right legislation was the key to making things right, but I eventually realized that people are at the core of the problem and that no amount of social policy would ever make things right. I just felt so small and helpless.
So after having finished watching SiCKO, I came back to my room, put in a prayer, and opened up my Bible in hopes that God would show me something to let me know that everything was going to be okay.
That…didn’t happen. Instead, He shows me stuff like this:
“Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem,
or who will grieve for you?
Who will turn aside
to ask about your welfare?
You have rejected me, declares the LORD;
you keep going backward,
so I have stretched out my hand against you and destroyed you—
I am weary of relenting.”
Jeremiah 15:5-6 (ESV)
That’s just encouraging, isn’t it? I mulled that over in my head for awhile before going to read another section of the Bible, hoping that maybe I’d get lucky and read something that was…you know, happy.
Nope. I got to read Acts 22-26, where Paul gets arrested and thrown in jail for witnessing to the people at a temple in Jerusalem about his encounter with Jesus and his conversion. Totally didn’t help.
I figured, “Okay, third time’s gotta be the charm,” so I tried one more time. No dice.
Hear this, you who trample on the needy
and bring the poor of the land to an end,
saying, “When will the new moon be over,
that we may sell grain?
And the Sabbath,
that we may offer wheat for sale,
that we may make the ephah small and the shekel great
and deal deceitfully with false balances,
that we may buy the poor for silver
and the needy for a pair of sandals
and sell the chaff of the wheat?”
Amos 8:4-6 (ESV)
Essentially, God was denouncing the rich for exploiting the poor for their own benefit. It goes on to talk about how judgment day would come to Israel soon and it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Lovely.
While I didn’t get the answer I wanted, I think God gave me the answer that I needed, meaning there was still some solace to be found in what he revealed to me. He let me know that he heard my plight and that he’s eventually going to make things right…one way or another.
Most people who know me know that I hate politics and bureaucracy (and bureaucracy IN politics). I also have a strong interest in health policy. Changing health policy without going head first into the politics? With the way things are right now, I don’t see that happening. Dealing with all that mess and compromising my values…it makes me tired just to think about it. It’s just so daunting no matter how I look at it.
So last night, before going to bed, I grabbed my Bible (The Message // Remix), put in a quick prayer before opening it up asking God to speak to me through it, and I found myself opening it up to the book of Ecclesiastes. Since it’s fairly short, I decided I’d go ahead and read the whole thing in one go. I’m only going to quote a few verses, though. Gotta try to keep this concise.
In verses 8 and 9 of chapter 5, the Quester writes:
Don’t be too upset when you see the poor kicked around, and justice and right violated all over the place. Exploitation filters down from one petty official to another. There’s no end to it, and nothing can be done about it.
The corruption and greed we see in our governments today? It’s nothing new. This kind of stuff has been happening for thousands of years. It’s not something that’s going to change within the next decade or century.
As long as men and women have the power to hurt each other, this is the way it is. (Ecclesiastes 8:9)
Don’t despair, though, says the Quester. Everyone gets what’s coming at them.
Nations have risen and fallen, great leaders have come and gone–and yet the way people behave never really changes. History continues to repeat itself over and over again. It almost seems pointless to even try to make a difference.
So is health administration still my calling? Maybe.
Would I still like to see things change? Definitely.
Do I want to see the bad guys win? #%@$ no.
But here’s the thing: It’s not about me. Fighting for social justice out of self-righteousness isn’t going to get me anywhere. I’d just be setting myself up for disappointment and failure. Besides, why would I work for recognition from other people? Public opinion is such a fleeting thing.
I need to stop trying to make something of myself for God and let Him make something out of me. That’s where the real gratification is. As the Quester says:
Even though a person sins and gets by with it hundreds of times throughout a long life, I’m still convinced that the good life is reserved for the person who fears God, who lives reverently in his presence, and that the evil person will not experience a “good” life. No matter how many days he lives, they’ll all be as flat and colorless as a shadow—because he doesn’t fear God. (Ecclesiastes 8:12-13)
So I’ve gotten up to chapter 6 of the book of Exodus, and I have to say that Moses was probably the least ideal person God could have possibly chosen to liberate the Hebrews from slavery under the Egyptians. He complained SO much.
In chapter 4, God instructs Moses to speak to and perform miracles (of which are demonstrated to Moses) in front of the pharaoh as to prove that God has truly commanded him to free the Hebrews (verses 1-9), but he’s all like, “But God! You know I’m not much of a speaker!” So God says to him, “Moses, who do you think gives people the ability to talk, hear, or see?” Of course, Moses insists on being a pansy about it, so he asks God to send someone else in his place, and this greatly displeases God. Nevertheless, God is willing to compromise by allowing Moses to get his brother Aaron to help him out.
In chapter five, Moses and Aaron set out to do all the things God instructed them to do, but instead of freeing the Hebrews, things get worse. The pharaoh thinks that they’re lying, so he makes the Hebrews work even harder! So what does Moses do? He complains. “God, why did you make me do this!? All it’s done is make things worse!”
Of course, God knew what was going on. He basically told him, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of this. I made a covenant with your fathers, and I’m gonna honor it.”
I think we often forget that doing what God wants us to do doesn’t mean doing what we feel comfortable doing. There are going to be times when you’re gonna have to push your boundaries and stick your neck out there. Now, it’s okay to be honest about how you feel about the situation, but when it comes down to it, you’ve gotta trust that God knows what he’s doing.
I’ve finally finished reading the book of Genesis and have started reading Exodus. The first few chapters so far tell about the birth and early-ish life of Moses. When I got to chapter 3, where God speaks to Moses through the burning bush, there was this total “Oh snap!” moment where God totally deals out some harsh authority.
So essentially, the Hebrews have been enslaved by the Egyptians, and God tells Moses that he’s gonna be the one to free them from the tyranny of the pharaoh. But Moses is all like, “But God, the Hebrews aren’t gonna believe that you sent me. They’re gonna be all like, ‘Oh yeah? If the God of our fathers sent you, what’s his name?’ What am I gonna tell them?”
Then God says, “I AM WHO I AM.” There are also footnotes in my Bible that say it can also be translated as either “I AM WHAT I AM” or “I WILL BE WHAT I WILL BE.”
See what I mean?
I always hear pastors say that everything good that comes from you (be it ideas, actions, etc.) can be attributed to God giving you that talent or bit of inspiration. While I’m certainly not against that idea, do I really have to tell people that every time I come up with something good?
“God spoke to me while I was watching I Love You, Man last night.”
“God stuck me with the greatest idea that’ll really help get this startup off the ground.”
“It’s thanks to God that my chicken turned out so awesome yesterday.”
Isn’t that just a little over the top? Besides, what if the idea that I think is awesome is really only mediocre to everyone else? Then it just becomes shameful. I’m just sayin’.