It’s late. I should be in bed by now, but I feel like I should post an update on the blog.
So I’ve been in Durham, NC these past couple of days to attend Advance09, a conference on the resurgence of the local church. The line-up of speakers is nothing short of stellar and every message delivered so far has resonated strongly with every person in the audience, it feels like. God has really moved throughout the people here, me included.
Now let me be honest: I have no idea what I’m doing here. I actually tried to sell my ticket, but I had no takers so I ended up going anyway. I’m not a preacher or a ministry leader. I don’t really feel like I’m church-revitalizing-leadership material and I don’t even know if working for/with a church is in my future.
But as the couple next to me said, “You never know where the Lord is going to take you.”
More important than just expanding my repertoire of knowledge (which far exceeds my level of obedience), though, is that I leave here being a little closer to God than I was before.
Putting all of your faith in other people inevitably leads to disappointment.
Putting all of your faith in yourself leads to arrogance and bitterness.
To have no faith at all is to not live.
I’ve put my faith in God. I know He’s looking out for me and that He won’t let me down.
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)
[ image by Thiago Leon ]
I love, love, love music.
Love.
I could just lose myself in a good song.
A few days ago, I listened to Relient K’s music for the first time in years. I stopped listening to them before because I thought I had outgrown their stuff, but to my amazement, their sound had matured right along with me.
Then I think about the time gap between when I had stopped listening to them and when I started again.
Looking back on all the stupid stuff I used to do, I wonder if I would have ever stopped doing them if I hadn’t stopped long enough to listen to God telling me, “Hey, Vy. Seriously, kid, what’re you doing? I made you to be better than this.”
I picture Jesus standing a few feet away from me, shaking his head in dismay every time I chose to ignore Him and do my own thing. “I died for you so you could do this?”
I wonder how much longer I would have kept up the self-destructive behavior–chasing booty, partying, pretending to be something I’m not–if I had kept running from Jesus.
Thankfully, I don’t have to find out.
I’ve dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can’t see
And I’ve just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I’ve displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I’ve just let pile and pile up
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten
I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You’re the only thing I want
Cause you’re everything I need
Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there’s nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out “someone, someone please
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten
I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You’re the only thing I want
Cause you’re everything I need
When my hopes seem to dangle
Somewhere just beyond my reach
You say you’ve heard my prayers
And read my words there on the beach
I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You’re the only thing I want
Cause you’re everything I need
Relient K – I Need You
I guess I should explain that last post a little bit, considering how dark it sounded.
This week was the week that I watched Michael Moore’s documentary SiCKO in my Health Sciences class. I recognize that some of the stuff presented in it are meant to be taken with a grain of salt, but it was a pretty good reminder of why I wanted to get into health administration in the first place–so I could do something about some of the atrocities committed by people working in the business of healthcare.
I used to think that having the power to pass the right legislation was the key to making things right, but I eventually realized that people are at the core of the problem and that no amount of social policy would ever make things right. I just felt so small and helpless.
So after having finished watching SiCKO, I came back to my room, put in a prayer, and opened up my Bible in hopes that God would show me something to let me know that everything was going to be okay.
That…didn’t happen. Instead, He shows me stuff like this:
“Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem,
or who will grieve for you?
Who will turn aside
to ask about your welfare?
You have rejected me, declares the LORD;
you keep going backward,
so I have stretched out my hand against you and destroyed you—
I am weary of relenting.”
Jeremiah 15:5-6 (ESV)
That’s just encouraging, isn’t it? I mulled that over in my head for awhile before going to read another section of the Bible, hoping that maybe I’d get lucky and read something that was…you know, happy.
Nope. I got to read Acts 22-26, where Paul gets arrested and thrown in jail for witnessing to the people at a temple in Jerusalem about his encounter with Jesus and his conversion. Totally didn’t help.
I figured, “Okay, third time’s gotta be the charm,” so I tried one more time. No dice.
Hear this, you who trample on the needy
and bring the poor of the land to an end,
saying, “When will the new moon be over,
that we may sell grain?
And the Sabbath,
that we may offer wheat for sale,
that we may make the ephah small and the shekel great
and deal deceitfully with false balances,
that we may buy the poor for silver
and the needy for a pair of sandals
and sell the chaff of the wheat?”
Amos 8:4-6 (ESV)
Essentially, God was denouncing the rich for exploiting the poor for their own benefit. It goes on to talk about how judgment day would come to Israel soon and it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Lovely.
While I didn’t get the answer I wanted, I think God gave me the answer that I needed, meaning there was still some solace to be found in what he revealed to me. He let me know that he heard my plight and that he’s eventually going to make things right…one way or another.